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My compo

News opinion and my compo~

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

An inconsiderate Neighbour

An inconsiderate Neighbours

When I looked at the next door I would recall the incident

that make me what I am now. This is all how it began……..

Lalala!” the music keep coming to my ears. I could not

sleep because of all those irritating music! “What an

inconsiderate neighbour!” I thought. The next day, I woke

up, feeling restless and had panda eyes. I wanted to complained Ah

Seng who was the inconsiderate neighbour but I was told that he

was once a gangster. As a timid boy I did not dare to complain.

I got myself prepare for school.

I had overslept and I ran as fast as my legs could carry me to my

school. I had finally reached my destination. “Phew!” I was

not late. I quickly got to my class. When I got into the class, Ms

Tan had just arrived. “Today we have a surprise test.” she said.

“What? A surprise test!” The class lamented. The test had

been given out to us and all the questions are too complicated to

understand. My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to find a solution

to the question. The question seemed to be mocking at me,

challenging me to answer the questions. My eyes were staring

hard at the question but my mind was a complete blank. I

narrowed my eyes and tried to concentrate on this question-

but I just couldn't find the answer. Beads of perspiration

formed on my forehead as I racked my brain to recall all the

solutions to all the complicated sums. I gave up finally. I went

to sleep and tried to do the test after I had my rest.

“Alex Low wake up!” Miss Tan boomed. I woke up

up realizing that I did not even do a sum and the paper was

filled with my saliva. “Sleeping at school, how rude!” Ms

Tan roared. Everyone in the class giggled and they are

mocking at me. How unlucky I am! I got scolded by Miss

Tan and I was mocked my classmates. I was outside my home

glaring furiously at Ah seng’s house. “If not for him I

will not get ‘0’ marks for my test and I will not be mocked by my

classmates. Vengeance struck my mind, I must take revenge.

Boiling with anger, I went to his house and knocked

continuously. After a moment, a man with tattoos around

him and big muscles stared at me angrily. “What do you

want!” Ah Seng boomed. How rude is he, talking to me with

loud voice. The make the matter worse, I roared loudly at him

“I want to complain about all the noises, you had make

yesterday night. Can you please off it during the night!”

After what I said, Ah seng glared at me, wanting to

challenge me. Without apologizing, Ah Seng boxed my face.

“How dare you bully a kid!” I shouted. “Who ask you make

me mad?” he replied. He rain punches at my stomach and I

doubled over in pain. I was soon defeated and fell to the

ground. He gave me one last kick before he went back into

his house. My mother heard all the commotion and went

out to see what was happening. She realized that I laid spread-

eagled on the floor. The fighting was so fatal that I almost fainted.

Although my vision was now blurred, I

could make out a figure, a woman was looking around

frantically. Soon, bruises covered all parts of my body.

Suddenly, the world began to whirl around me as the last thin

thread of consciousness slip away and I was swept into

unconsciousness. I rubbed my eyes. Everything swam before


my eyes before I opened my eyes fully. Am I in heaven? But

I noticed my parents looked worriedly beside me. “Mum,

where am I” I asked. She related the whole incident to me. Ah

Seng was also sent to jail .

“I had been sent to the hospital and….. I become a

vegetable and I cannot walk forever?” I asked. She nodded

sadly. “You should not go to Ah Seng’s house. All

the neighbours were scared of him so they stayed silent and

did not complain.” my mum told me. “Why am I so foolish?

Why am I so rash?” I thought. “Alex come and eat your dinner
.” my mum said. I was snapped from my daze. “Ok mum.” I

replied. The horrible scene of Ah Seng beating me will etched

in my mind forever.

1 Comments:

  • At September 28, 2008 at 5:37 AM , Blogger tsooc said...

    Dear Andy,

    Great job in creating your story plot. The gangster neighbour idea is good. You can also improve on the following:
    -How did Ah Seng cause you to get 0 for the surprise test? Not clear why you blame him for it.

    -You mentioned that you were afraid of your gangster neighbour. If so, wouldn't you have at least tried to explain the whole situation to him nicely instead of confronting him?

    - I was a bit confused when I read the following sentences.

    'She realized that I laid spread-

    eagled on the floor. The fighting was so fatal that I almost fainted.

    Although my vision was now blurred, I

    could make out a figure, a woman was looking around

    frantically. Soon, bruises covered all parts of my body.

    Suddenly, the world began to whirl around me as the last thin

    thread of consciousness slip away and I was swept into'

    The fight was obviously over but these few sentences give readers the idea that you were still being beaten up. Furthermore, who was the woman you saw?

    -How can you go for your dinner if you have become a vegetable?

    Looking forward to your second draft.

     

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